A Whole Bunch of Maybes

For the last few weeks, I have been very focused on getting us moved back into our house.  That finally happened last Wednesday, and since then, my mind has been on the other side of the world.  Saturday morning, after blogging my partial list here, I got up, took 2 pieces of posterboard-sized paper, and made 5 different lists in different colors.  That afternoon, the Hub and I had a really good--and very necessary--talk.

We have set this Friday, April 1, as a very important deadline.  Since we still haven't received our guardianship order, we decided that we needed to set a date by which we would make decisions regarding our travel to India and also our summer in Colorado.  If the guardianship order comes in the next 3 days, great!  We will move forward as planned.  If, however, the written order has not yet arrived at the orphanage, we will be forced to decide which is the better option:  to have Jeff go to India alone and stay there, visiting with Jag at the orphanage each day until the order is received, the passport application is underway, and Rex and I can get there OR to pay the penalty for changing his flight and have him come home from Turkey on the 19th and fly over to India with Rex and me later.

The decision affects our summer plans, too.  If we are able to arrive home on May 2 as planned, we will likely head out to Colorado for our every-other-summer there.  If, however, our travel plans are pushed back, it becomes more and more clear that we will likely stay home for the summer--or most of it, anyway.

This whole back-and-forth uncertainty is tough, and yesterday I was announcing to everyone that I was feeling stressed (a word I don't use very often to describe myself).  But this morning as I was lying in bed, thanking God for the day and asking Him to order my steps, the reminder came that He is in control and that His timing really, truly is best.  I was reminded of His love for me and His love for Jag.  I was reminded that I can do nothing to hasten the written order's arrival at the orphanage--nothing but pray, anyway.  So I do just that...and then wait. 

I want the order this week.  But I want His timing more.  I want to meet Jag on April 21 and arrive home on May 2.  But that might not be best.  Maybe He has the perfect travel companions for us; maybe He is protecting us from an unseen disaster; maybe Jag needs to make just one more memory at the orphanage that will be important to him later.  There are a whole bunch of maybes, and I simply am not privy to them.

I honor God when I choose not to worry about the timing.  And what does worry do anyway?  Can I add time to my life or my situation by worrying (Matt. 6:27)?  No, I can't.  So why do it?  Whenever the time says "Go!", we will absolutely go.  But until then, there is lots of work to do, and I want to do it well and in a way that honors my Father.

(Remind me of that next time I'm worrying about it, okay?  Oh, it'll happen....it will.)

Off to bed....tomorrow is a full day at the office and a big day with the new intern applicants!