One more day, and it will be one whole week. Here are the stats: Boaz David Washington Hoffman, born to us at 9:47 am on July 24, weighing 5 pounds, 10 ounces, and measuring 18 inches long. Also, Jonathan Omer Lincoln Hoffman, born straight from my womb into the very safe arms of Jesus. Both are precious in our sight and, more importantly, in His. Thank you, Lord, for these amazing little boys!
Tuesday, July 30, 2013
Monday, July 29, 2013
Sweetness!
She's an attentive big sister, often checking on Bart and making sure he's okay.
(I think it's so sweet; he doesn't look so thrilled.)
(I think it's so sweet; he doesn't look so thrilled.)
Sunday, July 28, 2013
Leaving the Hospital
To say that the hospital staff went above and beyond the call of duty is no exaggeration. We are immensely thankful for the medical personnel at the Women's Pavilion where our Hunt, Beth, and now Bart and Aaron were delivered. It was actually bittersweet leaving there...
...but it sure was nice to know that we were going HOME!
Friday, July 26, 2013
Wednesday, July 24, 2013
Caringbridge - 37 Weeks = BABY DAY!!
Remember last Wednesday when I said that I planned on writing each day during the last week of my pregnancy?Right........that didn't happen. Not even once.
But here we are. A major meltdown on Sunday evening, a calm assurance today. God has been with us in the ups and downs...all of them...over the last 7+ months. How thankful we are for the rock solid truths of His Word--that He never leaves us or abandons us, that we are His children, that He is Faithful in all circumstances.
Our pastor said on Sunday that our blessings are not determined by our circumstances. Amen.
The circumstances of this pending birth are not ones we would have chosen. Then again, how many times would we ever choose the hard things? But without pain, the healing isn't as noticable. Without burdens, the lifting doesn't feel as liberating. If we are careful to watch what He is doing, we see Him growing us through the difficult, deepening our faith along the way.
There's a Chris Rice song that I've always loved. It became meaningful to me many years ago when I was walking through a very difficult part of life. It is a song of surrender called simply "My Prayer." It begins with a wrestling with the Lord, a do-you-really-hear-me heart as he throws his prayers toward Heaven, feeling like some sort of a ceiling keeps them from actually going anywhere or doing anything productive. (And don't we often feel that way, if we are honest? That our prayers are limited and that God is somehow too invested in something else to care about this little part of my life?)
But then something happens: he remembers the Truth. The truth that God is there, listening all the while. That his prayers are heard, and that God has never left his side.
Then, after the wrestling and the questioning (which Chris Rice implores us again and again through his lyrics that God absolutely can handle), a surrender:
"Simple exchange. Your will, I'm changed. And now my prayer ends. Thank you, amen."
This is how it must be with us. Questioning, pain, wonder, not understanding, then Truth. And then.......an exchange. Do your will, Lord. I trust you. Amen. And no looking back.
Tonight, I choose to not look back. I trust you, Lord, with my life, with the lives of my husband and children, and specifically, with the lives of these two precious babies. Do your will, and have your way. Our lives are yours. Amen.
God is so good, so faithful, so loving, so kind. He walks with us, hemming us in before and behind. In a few hours, He will walk with us through something very bittersweet and get the glory along the way....which is what we've always wanted.
Thank you for your faithful prayers all these months. Thank you for every kind word, every meal delivered, every small or great act of service, every note, every random and special thing that we haven't even asked for...I'm overwhelmed to think of it all.
The world has been awaiting the birth of a prince. Our little world has been awaiting the birth of our two little Hoffprinces, one to our arms and one to the arms of our King.
It's go time, friends! Please continue to pray as God leads...thank you. We will share the news just as soon as we are able!
Thursday, July 18, 2013
Caringbridge - 36 weeks!
I've said this before, I realize, but I must say it again.
I can't believe I've made it this far. I mean, I just really can't. When I was pregnant with Beth, this was the stopping point...or so we thought. Actually, the amniocentisis told us that her lungs weren't ready, so we ended up waiting for 9 more long, agonizing days. But 36 is what we were shooting for.
This time around, I was just hoping to make it to 24. Then 28. Then 32. To have made it this far with as few issues as I have (physically anyway) is astounding to me. TRAP sequence results in not-very-nice things for mama and babies sometimes...I am so grateful that, in the end, the pregnancy has gone as well as it has, all things considered. All glory goes to Him!
I have many things to share but am planning to update each day from here on out, so I will begin by sharing the most pertinent, prayer-inducing, time-sensitive things.
This week, I had my regular appointments scheduled for Tuesday and Friday. However, already this week, I have been at the doctor on Monday, Tuesday, and again today. If it's not one thing, it's another, so we have chosen the "better to be safe than sorry" route.
This morning, I woke up at 5 o'clock having a contraction (I have been having so many more contractions than with any other pregnancy...I love having contractions because it feels like my body is doing what it's supposed to be doing, even though I know that a c-section is around the corner.). That part was fine. The concerning part is that in my left eye's vision field, it looked as if someone had outlined what I was looking at with a Sharpie marker. Black lines/spots/circles in the vision while you are pregnant is NOT a good thing.
In the days leading up to our Hunt's death, I ignored the warning signs that my body was giving me in the way of spots in the vision. I will not do that again. I was not feeling so much worried this morning on my way to the hospital as I was feeling vigilant.
On Monday, the reason I went to the doctor was because we were checking to make sure my water hadn't broken because I thought that maybe it had. Nope. Praise God! I was NOT ready to have the babies that day. Monday would have been Hunt's 9th birthday, and I did not want the babies to come then.
And that's it, right? The emotional and physical, the spiritual and the mental, are so very interconnected. It has been hard for me to separate this week the realistic fears from the unrealistic paranoia.
Also, there's something else affecting the emotions. Right now, our staff conference is happening in Colorado. Our family has spent every other summer in CO for the last decade. And we aren't there this year. And it's sad. It is what it is; I've accepted it and am very thankful to be here........but it's still sad.
Will you please pray for these specific things:
-wisdom....Hoffbeast and I need wisdom to know when we should go to the doctor and when we should not, when we should call and when we should wait.
-paranoia and fear....that I wouldn't live this last week in paranoia and fear.
-times with the Lord....there is so much to be done, but I've been reminded again recently as to how very little I can do apart from the vine. Pretty much nothing, to be exact. Pray that I remain in the vine, both in this next week and in the weeks to come.
-emotional preparation for what we will see and experience at the delivery....the condition of Aaron's body is still unknown, so it's impossible to know exactly what we will see. Our doctor tried to explain his best guess as best he could, but there simply is no way of knowing for sure right now.
THANK YOU for your constant, faithful prayers! I'll write more tomorrow! :)
love, hoffbeauty
p.s. My friend, Nicole, set up a website for meal delivery for our family for the weeks after the birth. If you'd like to help in this way, you can go to takethemameal.com. The family name is "hoffman" (obviously), and the password is "hofftwins". There are a couple of other specific ways you might be able to help, too, but perhaps I'll write more about those later.
I can't believe I've made it this far. I mean, I just really can't. When I was pregnant with Beth, this was the stopping point...or so we thought. Actually, the amniocentisis told us that her lungs weren't ready, so we ended up waiting for 9 more long, agonizing days. But 36 is what we were shooting for.
This time around, I was just hoping to make it to 24. Then 28. Then 32. To have made it this far with as few issues as I have (physically anyway) is astounding to me. TRAP sequence results in not-very-nice things for mama and babies sometimes...I am so grateful that, in the end, the pregnancy has gone as well as it has, all things considered. All glory goes to Him!
I have many things to share but am planning to update each day from here on out, so I will begin by sharing the most pertinent, prayer-inducing, time-sensitive things.
This week, I had my regular appointments scheduled for Tuesday and Friday. However, already this week, I have been at the doctor on Monday, Tuesday, and again today. If it's not one thing, it's another, so we have chosen the "better to be safe than sorry" route.
This morning, I woke up at 5 o'clock having a contraction (I have been having so many more contractions than with any other pregnancy...I love having contractions because it feels like my body is doing what it's supposed to be doing, even though I know that a c-section is around the corner.). That part was fine. The concerning part is that in my left eye's vision field, it looked as if someone had outlined what I was looking at with a Sharpie marker. Black lines/spots/circles in the vision while you are pregnant is NOT a good thing.
In the days leading up to our Hunt's death, I ignored the warning signs that my body was giving me in the way of spots in the vision. I will not do that again. I was not feeling so much worried this morning on my way to the hospital as I was feeling vigilant.
On Monday, the reason I went to the doctor was because we were checking to make sure my water hadn't broken because I thought that maybe it had. Nope. Praise God! I was NOT ready to have the babies that day. Monday would have been Hunt's 9th birthday, and I did not want the babies to come then.
And that's it, right? The emotional and physical, the spiritual and the mental, are so very interconnected. It has been hard for me to separate this week the realistic fears from the unrealistic paranoia.
Also, there's something else affecting the emotions. Right now, our staff conference is happening in Colorado. Our family has spent every other summer in CO for the last decade. And we aren't there this year. And it's sad. It is what it is; I've accepted it and am very thankful to be here........but it's still sad.
Will you please pray for these specific things:
-wisdom....Hoffbeast and I need wisdom to know when we should go to the doctor and when we should not, when we should call and when we should wait.
-paranoia and fear....that I wouldn't live this last week in paranoia and fear.
-times with the Lord....there is so much to be done, but I've been reminded again recently as to how very little I can do apart from the vine. Pretty much nothing, to be exact. Pray that I remain in the vine, both in this next week and in the weeks to come.
-emotional preparation for what we will see and experience at the delivery....the condition of Aaron's body is still unknown, so it's impossible to know exactly what we will see. Our doctor tried to explain his best guess as best he could, but there simply is no way of knowing for sure right now.
THANK YOU for your constant, faithful prayers! I'll write more tomorrow! :)
love, hoffbeauty
p.s. My friend, Nicole, set up a website for meal delivery for our family for the weeks after the birth. If you'd like to help in this way, you can go to takethemameal.com. The family name is "hoffman" (obviously), and the password is "hofftwins". There are a couple of other specific ways you might be able to help, too, but perhaps I'll write more about those later.
Monday, July 8, 2013
Our Cramazing May, Episode LII: Arriving at the Taj Mahal
Sunday morning...one more week, and we would be back in Wisconsin! But for now, much adventure still lay in front of us. Up next, a visit to the Taj Mahal, one of the New Seven Wonders of the World (Rex has explained to me that all but one of the Original Seven Wonders no longer exists, so they were renamed, and the Taj made the new list.). The arrangement we had made with Mr. Singh was that we would meet him before dawn for an early-morning drive to Agra, necessary to avoid touring during the hottest part of the day.
We got up around 4 a.m. and packed a bag for the day. I had heard that the drive to Agra was long and not super friendly for folks who tend to get carsick, so I decided that this was a good morning to try out my Dramamine-like medication that I had picked up in England. I was trying for the non-drowsy kind, but alas, no dice.
Um, let's just say that this turned out to not be a good day to try a new medicine, especially one that makes you drowsy. Note to self: next time you travel overseas, don't leave the country without Non-Drowsy Dramamine, no substitutes.
Unfortunately, the meds ended up affecting my whole outlook on the day, and in the end, although we were able to visit a beautiful, historic, important, world-renowned building, this day was by very far my least favorite of the whole trip. I felt cloudy and out of it the whole day, and besides that, something else very strange ended up happening...
Around 8:30 a.m., as we were rolling into Agra, Mr. Singh pulled up to the side of the road, and in jumped a very nice, very welcoming Agran man who would be our tour guide during our Taj visit. At first, we just thought that this was part of Mr. Singh's deal....he must be hooking us up with this guy out of the goodness of his heart! How cool of him!
No....that wasn't it.
Have you ever sat through a timeshare presentation? This day was like our Indian version of that.
Now, the upside to the arrangement was that Mr. Tour Guide was extremely knowledgable about the Taj, and he did seem to have some sort of clout as we toured, kind of like he was a Taj-approved tour guide. Directions that were posted on signs, he blatantly told us to ignore, and everywhere he went, people seemed to get out of the way. The tour through the Taj grounds was lovely, albeit a little rushed, which we understood more later.
The downside was.....well, there were a few downsides.
The major downside for him was that we didn't have much extra money to spend. Sorry, man. We don't care about trinkets at this point; we just want to get home with our son.
For us? Well, it started like this...
A few minutes after Mr. Singh had picked up Mr. Tour Guide (TG), he dropped us off at the point close to the Taj where cars could no longer drive. After that point, tourists had to ride in bicycle-powered automobiles big enough for the 5 of us. TG gave us a wonderful history of the Taj (I can still hear his voice saying "Shah Jahan" as he talked about the emperor who built the Taj for his wife.) while we were driving, and soon we had arrived.
This was also the day that I decided to try out my Moby Wrap...didn't even bring the Ergo that we had been using the whole trip with us. What was I thinking?
We get out of the automobile, and I have to wrap that crazy thing around my body and try to get Tom in it. Keep in mind that I'm groggy and that TG is in a hurry. Not a great combo....and his impatience began to show. This man with the big smile on his face had a scowl hidden behind it which could just barely be made out. He did not like the fact that he had to wait for me, something that should have been a clue to us of things to come.
I finally get the Moby on (sort of), and we proceed to enter the Taj grounds via a rarely-used gate (Thank you, Mr. TG!).
A happy Rex, safely past the security guard.
Here is TG giving us a little history lesson before entering the main Taj courtyard.
The outer courtyard of the Taj Mahal.
Just before catching the first glimpse of the Taj itself, you must walk through this beautiful, ornate gatehouse.
And then...just beyond that arch, hiding in the sun, is the Taj. Stay tuned for more of our day in the next post!
(It was HOT! Notice the sweat on TG's back.)
Compliant to a Fault
<Scene>: I'm in the bathroom with the door shut--doing my business. Beth is in her room.
Beth (yelling through the door with her tiny, little voice): Mama, are you in the bathroom?
Mama: Yes, dear.
[Pause. And then...]
Beth: I need to throw something away, but since you are in the bathroom, I will throw it in Rex's garbage instead. Is that okay, Mama?
Mama: Yes, honey.
[Pause...a beautiful moment of silence where I thought she had walked away. And then...]
Beth: Did you say yes, Mama?
Mama: Yes, Beth!!! I said yes! Throw it in Rex's garbage...that's perfect!
(I didn't say all of that last part, but I felt like it.)
What a precious little girl!
(I just read back over this, and I realize that it's not the best example. And doesn't sound like a big deal...and it isn't, really. But imagine a similar scenario over and over again, all day long. That's when it gets tiring.)
(I just read back over this, and I realize that it's not the best example. And doesn't sound like a big deal...and it isn't, really. But imagine a similar scenario over and over again, all day long. That's when it gets tiring.)
Sunday, July 7, 2013
Caringbridge - 34.5 weeks...only 17 days 'til baby day!
Tonight was a beautiful night. It was one of those nights where I drank in and savored summer....something I have been saying that I want to do before the babies arrive. Last Saturday, Neil and The Daddy were supposed to be going to a Milwaukee Brewers baseball game, but when they arrived, Hoffbeast realized that somehow he had bought tickets for a week later. Tonight, because he had a prior ministry function already planned, I got to go on a date with my 8-year-old, and we had the best time together! It was a beautiful night--the perfect summer night, really--and to top it off, the Brewers won. Glorious!
How fortunate I am! I have so much for which to be thankful....I can't even begin to really list them all.
One of the things for which to be thankful is you. Every single person reading this and lifting us up in prayer to the Father has been a blessing to us over these last 6 months. We will never know how the storm would have been weathered were it not for the praying saints who were going before the throne of grace on our behalf, day in and day out, week in and week out. Thankfully, we will never have to know that....I have a feeling it wouldn't have been so pretty.
As it is, Jesus has met us at every turn...and He is continuing to do so. I feel boosted emotionally, and I feel strong physically. Today, in my study of John, I read the following: "No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine." Such an important and clear directive from the Lord.....I cannot bear fruit by myself; I must remain in the vine. Period.
I am the branch; He is the vine. Jesus, the Word made flesh, the Son of God, revealed from Heaven. Matchless. Redeemer. Healer. King. It is He in Whom I must remain, and that process happens as I spend time in His Word, getting to know the heart of the One for Whom I live. How thankful am I that He has not left me alone but has sent the Comforter, His Holy Spirit.
And He has brought comfort, indeed. And I believe that He has used you and your prayers to pave the way for me (us) to feel the comfort that He has always offered. Praise God...and thank you for being so faithful in prayer.
Please don't stop. The next several weeks are sure to bring with them a multitude of feelings, a roller coaster full of the traditional ups and downs. My friend had her twins boys this week--unspeakable joy at their safe arrival; a twinge of sadness as I see the pictures of them lying together, as my boys will never do this side of Heaven. Baby clothes being washed and readied--excitement to think of Bart being here soon and wearing them; sadness that I don't need to buy any twin clothes like I was so looking forward to doing. Hospital prep like where will the kids go during delivery/recovery--happy to be hauling out the infant car seat again; sad to have to only need one of them.
And then there are the hard things that need to be done. Today, I visited Rock of Ages, the memorial company that chiseled out and placed our Hunt's gravestone almost 9 years ago exactly; I need to prepare for Aaron's burial...not an easy or fun task, but necessary and, in a way, the only thing that this mother will ever be able to do for her son. So I will do it gladly, making sure that his life is remembered and valued.
So yes, we need prayer...and lots more of it as these weeks progress.
Specifically, here are some updates:
-At last check, Bart weighed 4 pounds, 9 ounces. I'm sure he's a good bit more by now. Hurray for a wonderful weight for him! And he is beautiful! Every ultrasound look is a treasure for this mama. :)
-Aaron is little...much smaller than he was at one point. I am still praying that there will be a body to hold and cherish, if only for a moment, but I don't know at this point if that hope will be realized or not. This is something specific that I simply must trust God with. He knows me intimately and will provide what I need, not simply what I wish or what I think I need.
-My surgery is scheduled for 8:45 on the morning of July 24....baby day is on its way--fast!
-I am extremely thankful that the same two doctors that delivered both Hunt and Beth will be delivering Bart and Aaron. Praise God for this!
-We officially have two names on the table, although a third has crept into the running. At this rate, I don't expect to finalize the names until we are driving to the hospital on the morning of the 24th.
-Bart moves all the time, and I love it!
-As expected, sleeping is becoming more of a challenge by the night. By the end of the day, my feet have swollen a bit (although not badly...I'm really thankful for that), and my back and shoulders are often hurting. I still sleep relatively well, but yes....I'm 8 months pregnant for sure!
What questions do you have? Let me know, and I will try to answer them...
It is worth mentioning again how thankful we are that we have made it this far. Back on January 18, we had no idea what life would be like come July. God has answered our prayers in His all-knowing, all-wise ways, and we bow before Him in thankfulness. We wanted healing for Aaron....those wants are being given in Heaven. We wanted safety for Bart....each ultrasound and NST confirms that these wants are being granted here on earth.
For all You have done, we are thankful...for all You are going to do, we are thankful.
Amen.
How fortunate I am! I have so much for which to be thankful....I can't even begin to really list them all.
One of the things for which to be thankful is you. Every single person reading this and lifting us up in prayer to the Father has been a blessing to us over these last 6 months. We will never know how the storm would have been weathered were it not for the praying saints who were going before the throne of grace on our behalf, day in and day out, week in and week out. Thankfully, we will never have to know that....I have a feeling it wouldn't have been so pretty.
As it is, Jesus has met us at every turn...and He is continuing to do so. I feel boosted emotionally, and I feel strong physically. Today, in my study of John, I read the following: "No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine." Such an important and clear directive from the Lord.....I cannot bear fruit by myself; I must remain in the vine. Period.
I am the branch; He is the vine. Jesus, the Word made flesh, the Son of God, revealed from Heaven. Matchless. Redeemer. Healer. King. It is He in Whom I must remain, and that process happens as I spend time in His Word, getting to know the heart of the One for Whom I live. How thankful am I that He has not left me alone but has sent the Comforter, His Holy Spirit.
And He has brought comfort, indeed. And I believe that He has used you and your prayers to pave the way for me (us) to feel the comfort that He has always offered. Praise God...and thank you for being so faithful in prayer.
Please don't stop. The next several weeks are sure to bring with them a multitude of feelings, a roller coaster full of the traditional ups and downs. My friend had her twins boys this week--unspeakable joy at their safe arrival; a twinge of sadness as I see the pictures of them lying together, as my boys will never do this side of Heaven. Baby clothes being washed and readied--excitement to think of Bart being here soon and wearing them; sadness that I don't need to buy any twin clothes like I was so looking forward to doing. Hospital prep like where will the kids go during delivery/recovery--happy to be hauling out the infant car seat again; sad to have to only need one of them.
And then there are the hard things that need to be done. Today, I visited Rock of Ages, the memorial company that chiseled out and placed our Hunt's gravestone almost 9 years ago exactly; I need to prepare for Aaron's burial...not an easy or fun task, but necessary and, in a way, the only thing that this mother will ever be able to do for her son. So I will do it gladly, making sure that his life is remembered and valued.
So yes, we need prayer...and lots more of it as these weeks progress.
Specifically, here are some updates:
-At last check, Bart weighed 4 pounds, 9 ounces. I'm sure he's a good bit more by now. Hurray for a wonderful weight for him! And he is beautiful! Every ultrasound look is a treasure for this mama. :)
-Aaron is little...much smaller than he was at one point. I am still praying that there will be a body to hold and cherish, if only for a moment, but I don't know at this point if that hope will be realized or not. This is something specific that I simply must trust God with. He knows me intimately and will provide what I need, not simply what I wish or what I think I need.
-My surgery is scheduled for 8:45 on the morning of July 24....baby day is on its way--fast!
-I am extremely thankful that the same two doctors that delivered both Hunt and Beth will be delivering Bart and Aaron. Praise God for this!
-We officially have two names on the table, although a third has crept into the running. At this rate, I don't expect to finalize the names until we are driving to the hospital on the morning of the 24th.
-Bart moves all the time, and I love it!
-As expected, sleeping is becoming more of a challenge by the night. By the end of the day, my feet have swollen a bit (although not badly...I'm really thankful for that), and my back and shoulders are often hurting. I still sleep relatively well, but yes....I'm 8 months pregnant for sure!
What questions do you have? Let me know, and I will try to answer them...
It is worth mentioning again how thankful we are that we have made it this far. Back on January 18, we had no idea what life would be like come July. God has answered our prayers in His all-knowing, all-wise ways, and we bow before Him in thankfulness. We wanted healing for Aaron....those wants are being given in Heaven. We wanted safety for Bart....each ultrasound and NST confirms that these wants are being granted here on earth.
For all You have done, we are thankful...for all You are going to do, we are thankful.
Amen.
Wednesday, July 3, 2013
Summer in the City!
This summer, we were joined by 20 college students from around the country and several staff from both Cru Campus and Cru Inner City. SITC is one of our favorite parts of the year, and this year did not disappoint. Obviously, because of babies, we weren't as involved as usual, but we still were able to interact and have a good bit of input into the lives of these precious students. What a privilege to see the Lord raise up so many young men and women to come to the city and bring His gospel here, both in word and in deed!
This picture was taken at our mid-project banquet, where roles are passed from the staff to the students. It is a special night, and it was fun to hear from those around me about what God was doing in and through them!