I've said this before, I realize, but I must say it again.
I can't believe I've made it this far. I mean, I just really can't. When I was pregnant with Beth, this was the stopping point...or so we thought. Actually, the amniocentisis told us that her lungs weren't ready, so we ended up waiting for 9 more long, agonizing days. But 36 is what we were shooting for.
This time around, I was just hoping to make it to 24. Then 28. Then 32. To have made it this far with as few issues as I have (physically anyway) is astounding to me. TRAP sequence results in not-very-nice things for mama and babies sometimes...I am so grateful that, in the end, the pregnancy has gone as well as it has, all things considered. All glory goes to Him!
I have many things to share but am planning to update each day from here on out, so I will begin by sharing the most pertinent, prayer-inducing, time-sensitive things.
This week, I had my regular appointments scheduled for Tuesday and Friday. However, already this week, I have been at the doctor on Monday, Tuesday, and again today. If it's not one thing, it's another, so we have chosen the "better to be safe than sorry" route.
This morning, I woke up at 5 o'clock having a contraction (I have been having so many more contractions than with any other pregnancy...I love having contractions because it feels like my body is doing what it's supposed to be doing, even though I know that a c-section is around the corner.). That part was fine. The concerning part is that in my left eye's vision field, it looked as if someone had outlined what I was looking at with a Sharpie marker. Black lines/spots/circles in the vision while you are pregnant is NOT a good thing.
In the days leading up to our Hunt's death, I ignored the warning signs that my body was giving me in the way of spots in the vision. I will not do that again. I was not feeling so much worried this morning on my way to the hospital as I was feeling vigilant.
On Monday, the reason I went to the doctor was because we were checking to make sure my water hadn't broken because I thought that maybe it had. Nope. Praise God! I was NOT ready to have the babies that day. Monday would have been Hunt's 9th birthday, and I did not want the babies to come then.
And that's it, right? The emotional and physical, the spiritual and the mental, are so very interconnected. It has been hard for me to separate this week the realistic fears from the unrealistic paranoia.
Also, there's something else affecting the emotions. Right now, our staff conference is happening in Colorado. Our family has spent every other summer in CO for the last decade. And we aren't there this year. And it's sad. It is what it is; I've accepted it and am very thankful to be here........but it's still sad.
Will you please pray for these specific things:
-wisdom....Hoffbeast and I need wisdom to know when we should go to the doctor and when we should not, when we should call and when we should wait.
-paranoia and fear....that I wouldn't live this last week in paranoia and fear.
-times with the Lord....there is so much to be done, but I've been reminded again recently as to how very little I can do apart from the vine. Pretty much nothing, to be exact. Pray that I remain in the vine, both in this next week and in the weeks to come.
-emotional preparation for what we will see and experience at the delivery....the condition of Aaron's body is still unknown, so it's impossible to know exactly what we will see. Our doctor tried to explain his best guess as best he could, but there simply is no way of knowing for sure right now.
THANK YOU for your constant, faithful prayers! I'll write more tomorrow! :)
love, hoffbeauty
p.s. My friend, Nicole, set up a website for meal delivery for our family for the weeks after the birth. If you'd like to help in this way, you can go to takethemameal.com. The family name is "hoffman" (obviously), and the password is "hofftwins". There are a couple of other specific ways you might be able to help, too, but perhaps I'll write more about those later.
I can't believe I've made it this far. I mean, I just really can't. When I was pregnant with Beth, this was the stopping point...or so we thought. Actually, the amniocentisis told us that her lungs weren't ready, so we ended up waiting for 9 more long, agonizing days. But 36 is what we were shooting for.
This time around, I was just hoping to make it to 24. Then 28. Then 32. To have made it this far with as few issues as I have (physically anyway) is astounding to me. TRAP sequence results in not-very-nice things for mama and babies sometimes...I am so grateful that, in the end, the pregnancy has gone as well as it has, all things considered. All glory goes to Him!
I have many things to share but am planning to update each day from here on out, so I will begin by sharing the most pertinent, prayer-inducing, time-sensitive things.
This week, I had my regular appointments scheduled for Tuesday and Friday. However, already this week, I have been at the doctor on Monday, Tuesday, and again today. If it's not one thing, it's another, so we have chosen the "better to be safe than sorry" route.
This morning, I woke up at 5 o'clock having a contraction (I have been having so many more contractions than with any other pregnancy...I love having contractions because it feels like my body is doing what it's supposed to be doing, even though I know that a c-section is around the corner.). That part was fine. The concerning part is that in my left eye's vision field, it looked as if someone had outlined what I was looking at with a Sharpie marker. Black lines/spots/circles in the vision while you are pregnant is NOT a good thing.
In the days leading up to our Hunt's death, I ignored the warning signs that my body was giving me in the way of spots in the vision. I will not do that again. I was not feeling so much worried this morning on my way to the hospital as I was feeling vigilant.
On Monday, the reason I went to the doctor was because we were checking to make sure my water hadn't broken because I thought that maybe it had. Nope. Praise God! I was NOT ready to have the babies that day. Monday would have been Hunt's 9th birthday, and I did not want the babies to come then.
And that's it, right? The emotional and physical, the spiritual and the mental, are so very interconnected. It has been hard for me to separate this week the realistic fears from the unrealistic paranoia.
Also, there's something else affecting the emotions. Right now, our staff conference is happening in Colorado. Our family has spent every other summer in CO for the last decade. And we aren't there this year. And it's sad. It is what it is; I've accepted it and am very thankful to be here........but it's still sad.
Will you please pray for these specific things:
-wisdom....Hoffbeast and I need wisdom to know when we should go to the doctor and when we should not, when we should call and when we should wait.
-paranoia and fear....that I wouldn't live this last week in paranoia and fear.
-times with the Lord....there is so much to be done, but I've been reminded again recently as to how very little I can do apart from the vine. Pretty much nothing, to be exact. Pray that I remain in the vine, both in this next week and in the weeks to come.
-emotional preparation for what we will see and experience at the delivery....the condition of Aaron's body is still unknown, so it's impossible to know exactly what we will see. Our doctor tried to explain his best guess as best he could, but there simply is no way of knowing for sure right now.
THANK YOU for your constant, faithful prayers! I'll write more tomorrow! :)
love, hoffbeauty
p.s. My friend, Nicole, set up a website for meal delivery for our family for the weeks after the birth. If you'd like to help in this way, you can go to takethemameal.com. The family name is "hoffman" (obviously), and the password is "hofftwins". There are a couple of other specific ways you might be able to help, too, but perhaps I'll write more about those later.
No comments:
Post a Comment