40 Days (Day 23)

Okay, people...I just smelled spring. #ilovespringstorms So thankful for our time here at my parents'...there's nothing like going home and sitting with my mama at the kitchen table.  :)

40 Days (Day 18)

When thinking of things for which I am thankful, a million memories flood my mind.  In a flash.

Memories from our years here…

…from our time in Louisville…

…from my days in Orlando…

…from Miami…

…from high school.

Stop.

High school….

There is no way I can think of my high school years without thinking of Sasha, my best friend.  "Sasha and Sarah" were words that were said together, almost synonymously, often and quickly, so that they came out more like "soshensare".  I wouldn't want to begin to imagine my days at CNHS without Sasha…our friendship went from casual to best during the summer before high school, and we never looked back.  I love you, Sasha, and I am SO thankful for you!

This year, during the week of my birthday, Sasha posted several of our favorite pictures…I smile when I recall...

 …graduation.  We look so young!  (We were!)

 …senior year spring break in Pensacola.  We had a blast during this week and made a ton of memories.  This picture makes me laugh because I remember how we were trying to keep straight faces while it was taken.  I had opened the magazine to the ad with the shirtless man on it so that he would be in the picture with it, even though we were both just reading.  We thought that was really funny then.  :)

 The moped picture.  Classic.  This thing took us everywhere around town and represented such freedom for me and Sasha.  I don't have many pictures with my moped, so I'm so glad that Sasha's mom thought to take this one.  (Never mind the fact that all these years later, I look like I'm a piece out of the 80s while Sash looks timeless.)

 Not sure where this one was taken, but we sure were feeling dramatic!

This picture was taken on my 18th birthday…22 years ago now!  Mom almost always made a cut-out cake for me, this one of a flower cart, and now I make cut-out cakes for my kids!

Years of memories, and a friendship that continues to this day.  Love you, Sash!

40 Days (Day 16)

She's beautiful.  That's all I can say.  

Some would look at this picture and see a bored, disinterested, annoyed little girl.  I see a loving big sister who was excited about feeding Bart, and although she was truly a bit bored with the whole task by the time I asked her to look up for the camera, overall, she was great with it.  A little mama in training.  

And a beautiful one at that, inside and out.

40 Days (Day 12) - Happy Bart Bath

Look!  I'm sitting!  In my bathtub!  And I'm enjoying it (comparatively speaking)!

Bart has pretty much hated every bath he's ever been given...until yesterday.  He has tolerated a few of them, but most of them have just been one big screamfest.  That is, until yesterday.  Yesterday, he actually seemed to almost sorta kinda like it.  Almost.

We're making progress...we'll take it!

40 Days (Day 9) - Linus and friends

Watching him sing and act his way through his middle school musical this year was way beyond fun.  Rex IS Linus!  Ever since he started reading and carrying a book around with him everywhere he goes, I've been saying that he is a lot like Linus, the Peanuts' character who is small in stature but big in words.  As his youth leader wrote on a note given him the night of the play, "Minus the security blanket and the thumb-sucking, you pretty much are Linus, so you really just had to play yourself!"  It's true.  He played Linus beautifully, and everyone in the audience knew it and enjoyed.

Frankly, the entire cast was fantastic!  I had a huge smile on my face for most of the performance...the color, the vibrancy, the beautiful voices, the energy...it was awesome.

I only wish it wasn't over already.  We are so proud of Rex, our little actor!

40 Days (Day 7)

We love him.  This young man we met a decade ago.  He was small and quiet and a follower.  Now he's big and quiet and coming out of his shell day by day.  Desi is a fighter--literally and figuratively.  We are proud that he has stayed out of trouble in a place where trouble is far too easy to find.  First it was basketball; now it is boxing.

Today, Desi got on an airplane for the first time, heading to his second professional fight.  He is a boxer now...crazy, scary, and amazing, the opportunity that is before him.  As often happens, he had misplaced his ID, so today he and I went to the DMV before lunch at Burger King and a drive to the boxing gym where he would work out once more before heading to the airport.

But he made it.  New Jersey-bound.  Godspeed, Desi....your "family" loves you dearly!

40 Days (Day 6)

Here's what my sister wrote yesterday:

"When I was seven years old, I prayed daily that God would bless our family with a baby. I remember saying that if it has to be a boy, I don't care....40 years ago today, my sweet sister, Sarah, came into this world. God has used her life to bless so many and bring so many to Him. I love you Hoffbeauty! Happy Birthday!!"

Pretty sweet, huh?  I am so thankful for my big sister, Becky....can't imagine life without her!  Thanks for praying for me for all those months, Bek...it feels pretty amazing and so special to have been an answer to your prayers!

40 Days (Day 5)

I loved my whole (birth)day.  But one of my very favorite parts, by far, was spending an hour alone with this beauty.  People say she's a mini-me…I only wish I had the sweet little heart that I see God developing in her.  I love the way that He has made her, and I am so, so, so privileged to be her mama!  Every day, she brings me joy…His grace to me is so evident in her.  Thank you, Lord, for the gift of my sweet Beth.

40 Days (Day 3)

It's so quiet here.

Sixteen people sleep in various rooms around me while I stop to reflect, to think, to just be still.

I love the sounds of the night.  I am trying to build the habit these days of getting up early, but the night owl in me will always be ready for a night like this, a night when we are away from home, and the demands of the household are at bay for the moment.

This weekend is our team retreat.  We have come to the Dells for a time of fellowship, refreshment, and just relaxing and laughing together.

Personally, my heart is heavy full feeling lots.  Lots of reflection...thinking about how God has graciously moved in my life over the last 40, but specifically 20, years.  A little bit of sadness....the pain of the Missing is acute in the quiet moments....how could it not be for a mama wired as I am?  And a lot of....something that I can't quite put my finger on but that looks a lot like snapping at people and crying at the drop of a hat.  There are the hormones...that's part of it.  But there's more.

It's a longing for Otherness.  It's a yearning for Joy.

I need more time for processing.  Or maybe less.  I'm not sure which.

Today, some pictures that should have gone with last night's post...me and my Rex, throughout the years...


 Rex's 5th birthday

 K5 Thanksgiving meal

 Pregnant with Beth

Christmas Conference...This was taken at the New Year's Eve bash when Rex was finally old enough to stay up!

40 Days (Day 2)

I'm not quite sure what these 40 posts will look like, but tonight's post comes as a result of the special evening I just had with my Rex.  One of the things I have hoped for as a part of my birthday celebration is for a little one-on-one time with each of my children.  Tonight, I got 20% of my wish.

In the fall of 2001, just a month after our country mourned, Hoffbeast and I rejoiced.  There was still a great deal of collective sadness, shock, disbelief, and fear, but in our little apartment, on Shadyside Drive in Louisville, there were tears of joy.

The test said yes.

We would be parents.

And 9 months later, along came the baby who has grown into an amazing 11.5-year-old boy...and who still has my heart.

So why the above picture?  Well, every mother loves watching her babies sleep, and I am no exception.  The added bonus of the Christmas lights and the peace that settles on a home the night before the Babe's birth is celebrated just makes this all the more right.

I love Christmas.  And while Jesus was the. very. best. gift of a baby ever given, my Rex is right up there.

Tonight, on our way home, I told him that I truly felt like I was the most blessed mama ever, to have been chosen to be his.  He corrected me:  "Well, Mom, don't forget about Mary..."

Okay, you're right.  She was more blessed.

But still.

When we left the play we had seen this evening and got in the car, our conversation went from zero to awesome in about 60 seconds.  One of my favorite things about Rex is his ability to communicate clearly and to connect pieces of this with pieces of that.  If you know him well, you know what I mean.  If not, you'll just have to trust me.  So tonight, without getting into all the details of the conversation, basically we were talking about how the walk of faith is one where over the days and over the years, we get to see more of the "new creation" that God has made us into move from the inside to the outside.  We change and are made new, but we are also changing and being made new.

And his question...."Mom, do you see the new man coming out in me?"  "Oh, sweetheart," I easily replied, "I see more of the new man all the time.  Every day, God is growing you.  Every day, you are becoming more of the young man He designed you to be."

It's a privilege, I tell you, to be his mama.

We held hands during the play.  Someday, sooner than I might like, he will be holding hands with some other girl.  But for now, he's all mine.  <3

I love you, Bunch.  So much.

40 Days, 40 Years

Today is the beginning of lent.

But I'm not Catholic, so what do I care?

I saw a post today, full of wisdom, that said that if it's something you should give up for lent, it's probably something you should be giving up for every other day as well.  Possibly true, also possibly a bit of an overreaction.

Then tonight, our friend, Shanice, was telling me that for lent, she's not "fasting" from something; rather, she's "feasting" on Someone.

That was exactly what I had been trying to say all day.

Feasting, not fasting.  Feasting on Him, digging into His Word, breathing His life, walking around with Him, always surrounded in His love.

True, this should be happening every day.  But I think there might be something quite good about using these days on the calendar to be specifically reminded of what He's given, what's to come, and what kinds of things might be hindering us in our walks with the Lord.

My birthday is Sunday.  This year, 40 posts in 40 days to commemorate the 40 years I've so graciously been given.....thank you, Jesus.