40 Days (Day 3)

It's so quiet here.

Sixteen people sleep in various rooms around me while I stop to reflect, to think, to just be still.

I love the sounds of the night.  I am trying to build the habit these days of getting up early, but the night owl in me will always be ready for a night like this, a night when we are away from home, and the demands of the household are at bay for the moment.

This weekend is our team retreat.  We have come to the Dells for a time of fellowship, refreshment, and just relaxing and laughing together.

Personally, my heart is heavy full feeling lots.  Lots of reflection...thinking about how God has graciously moved in my life over the last 40, but specifically 20, years.  A little bit of sadness....the pain of the Missing is acute in the quiet moments....how could it not be for a mama wired as I am?  And a lot of....something that I can't quite put my finger on but that looks a lot like snapping at people and crying at the drop of a hat.  There are the hormones...that's part of it.  But there's more.

It's a longing for Otherness.  It's a yearning for Joy.

I need more time for processing.  Or maybe less.  I'm not sure which.

Today, some pictures that should have gone with last night's post...me and my Rex, throughout the years...


 Rex's 5th birthday

 K5 Thanksgiving meal

 Pregnant with Beth

Christmas Conference...This was taken at the New Year's Eve bash when Rex was finally old enough to stay up!