June in Photo Review

This is something I have thought of at the end of every month.  For years now.

I should do an end-of-month photo review, since somehow I never seem to get all the photos up and stories recorded that I want to on here.

But so far, I haven't done it.  Until now.

With my track record, I'm guessing that I won't get it done next month, so my perfect record pretty much stands only, well, now, but I'm celebrating anyway!  I would love to think that, come July 31, I'll be doing the same and starting a tradition, but considering the fact that I'll probably be highly sleep deprived and still recovering from surgery, enjoying every moment with our new little one by then, I kinda doubt it.

So, without further ado, June 2013 in photo review...

The month started with me, Rex, and Beth visiting my hometown for my nieces' high school graduation.  Both my sister's daughter and brother's step-daughter were graduating from my alma mater, so it was such fun to be able to be there celebrating with them.

 Week 1--Here is Rex posing with my high school's who-knows-how-old paper mache bulldog.  Tradition is that the cheerleaders wheel the bulldog out to the middle of the basketball court where it sits during pre-game warmup.  Sometimes our mascots would hide inside, and once we had wheeled them out, they would appear from inside the dog.  I can't believe it's still there, but I love it!

 My parents before the start of graduation.

 Rex and Beth post-pomp and circumstance.  Yes, this is my high school gym...it was great being back there, reliving my own graduation from however-many years ago.

 My niece, Nicole, posing with her cake and balloons in pretty much the exact same spot that her mom, Uncle Tim, and I did when we graduated.  :)  Congratulations, Nic!

 I made sure to bring Tim a kringle from Racine this time...he loves them, and this is the only way I can keep him from consuming the communal ones that I bring to share!  Always good to see my brother!

 Almost 30 weeks!  I love sitting on the glider on the front porch at my parents'...it's one of my favorite places in the world.

 Rex, Beth, and I saying goodbye to Grandma...

 Before leaving town, we were able to stop by and see my old friend, Ryan.  Ryan is a writer, and Rex, our wordsmith, enjoyed meeting a real published author!

 Once back at home, we jumped into summer project!  Here is Hoffbeast as he helps welcome the 20 students who are in town for MSPSP13.  I don't have very many pictures of project, since we are not as involved this year, but we are three weeks in, and it's going great!

 Week 2--During the closing soccer weekend of the season, Neil and his teammates got to enjoy the Kicknic, a carnival for all the players and their siblings.  Almost their whole team got painted up as pirates!  Here is Neil and his teammate, K, showing off the Mustangs' new look.

Tom got in on the action, too, exiting the bounce house long enough to pose with a moose from the Wilderness Territory in the Dells.

 Last game of the season...our star player, Neil!  He scored multiple goals in each game this season...love watching him on the field!

 Here he is, trying his hand at goalie.  (I think his coach took him out of the striker position because he was scoring too much!)

 We have had lots of playtime this summer at various parks.  Here are the kids at Lynden Hill, our green space on the next block.  In winter, this makes for a great sledding hill; in summer, it's a rolling hill!

 Our pretty princess, all dolled up for playing at the park!

 This was our last hangout time with Kara before she left for her summer in Colorado!  We love Kara so much!

Week 3--For Bridget's birthday, her sister planned a surprise party at a mini-golf joint.  Here's B with her sister and 6-week-old nephew...

 

Cheryl and Beth golfing it up!

 And here's dinner after.  Bridget's sister, Tang, and I were the only three of the 10 who did not come on our summer project as students.  The other seven girls represented projects for the summers of 2008, 2009, and 2011.  What a legacy!

Week 4--Neil's 8th birthday!  He had "the best day ever" in his words, culminating in a pizza dinner... 

 cake, ice cream, presents, and going to see a movie with his daddy, big brother...

 ...and friend from school, R, who came over for the festivities and got to spend the night after!

 Then, just tonight, another sleepover!  This time Rex and Neil each got to invite a friend over, and we went to a pizza place/fun zone for dinner.  The boys all had a blast!

 And the littles enjoyed it, too!  Here they are in the water room playing with their friends, S and N.

The Frog Hopper was a huge hit!  From left, Neil, Rex, G, and O.  Fun was had by all!

And there you have it....my first ever (though I've thought of it dozens of time now) month-in-photo-review.  I always take a ton of pictures that never make my blog, so I'm glad to get at least a few of them down for the record.  I have so much for which to be thankful, including my amazing children, wonderful husband, and exciting life that God has given us to live.  Thank you, Lord!  Next month, major change comes to the Hoffworld.....so thankful that God goes before us and will be with us through it all.

Leaving on a Father/Son weekend...

I don't think I write enough about how much I love my husband.

Hoff-man, hoff-beast.  That's how he got his nickname.  He's not actually that beastly, but it sure is a great name.

Last weekend, Hoffbeast took Rex on a daddy/son Passport to Purity weekend.  They had many a growing-up talk and made a ton of memories along the way.

He's a great dad.  To watch the way he prepared for and then executed the weekend....he's a teacher, and he loves his children immensely.  I am proud to be his wife and honored to get to share my life with him.  Being in this crazy world of parenting with him is something I wouldn't trade for the world.  He makes me laugh, he offers perspective, and he tickles, smooches, and zerberts in a way that Mama just can't.  Apparently, smooches require a beard, or at least a 5-o'clock shadow...did anyone else not know that besides me??!  I guess it does help to be hoff-beast sometimes.

Hoffbeast, I love you.  Thank you for the effort you made in loving our Rex well last weekend.  You are a gift to me, and I'm so thankful for you.....and I'm terribly in love with you still.  :)

Caringbridge - 33 weeks

Yesterday, I went to my Tuesday appointment (Tuesdays consists of an Non-Stress Test for baby, a fluid check/ultrasound, and a doctor visit.), and while baby looked good on the NST, the fluid check was a bit worrisome.

As usual, my awesome OB did what needed to be done to make sure everything was safe and moving along well, ordering a full ultrasound at the perinatologist's office down the hall.

This morning, I had that ultrasound, and while my fluid levels are on the high end, they aren't high enough to worry a great deal, so Dr. S (a new doctor I hadn't seen until today) suggested that we just keep doing our normal checks and come back to see her if there are any further concerns.  She was great, and I left the appointment feeling much assured.

Dr. S told me that unless something else came up, she wouldn't need to see me for another 3 weeks.  She also confirmed the 37-week due date, which means that, Lord willing, we will meet our babies 4 weeks from today.

That. is. nuts.

But I'm excited.  There is so much to do before then, it's crazy.  I have done so little to get ready, but I'm trusting that all will get done. People have been offering help; now I just need to get organized and begin taking people up on it.

Please do not stop praying.  33 weeks is awesome, but in some ways, the further I get in the pregnancy, the more nervous I become. We lost our son, Joshua, just shy of 37 weeks, so that thought is enough to take me to panic-land real quick.

But I can't let it.

You see, the enemy wants me to forget that God loves me, that He has what's best in mind for me, that He has the ability to make the best for my life come to pass.  He wants me to believe that God is not in control, that He is not good, and that He has forgotten about the needs of our little family.

I will choose to believe, if even one breath at a time, in the Truth and in the promises of God, rather than in the lies of the evil one who wants to steal my life away.

My life is hidden in Christ, and in Him I will rest.  Goodnight.

Orange Toes!! (Katharine will love the color!)

These babies will be here before I know it, and there is no way that I'm going to have time to blog after they arrive.  So I really need to be making time to at least get some photos up here, even if not much of a description goes with them.

One thing I made time for last week was a pre-baby, summertime pedicure!

 It's hard to reach your toes when you're as prego as I am, so I was thankful that Andrea dragged me suggested that we go to get a pedicure.

 I have one more scheduled the week before baby, this time with my friend, Nicole.  I figure this one can last me 'til then.  :)

One last pic....my view.  Baby is moving a lot still, and I am thankful every time...

Caringbridge - 31 weeks

My belly is moving constantly.  It's amazing.  I know I say that a lot, but I mean it.  How can a living person living inside another living person not be amazing every single time?

I think I might have just run across a spiritual analogy.

Six more weeks.  That's it.  Six weeks ago, we had our ministry banquet. That seems like yesterday.  Six weeks is less than 50 days.  Six weeks seems like a blip on the screen of time....it is, really.  Here we were, wondering and watching, tempted to worry but trying desperately to trust well, and all the while, God knew where we would be today.

And he knows every moment that the next six weeks holds.

I am doing well.  Physically, I am just like any other pregnant woman at 31 weeks--at least, I'm the way I have been every other pregnancy at 31 weeks.  I'm active, I'm keeping up with my children, I am managing our household (mostly), and I'm participating in life with as much involvement as possible.  Today, I ran--literally--to the bus stop with our summer project students as we made our way on a city adventure.  The bus was almost at the stop, and we needed to catch it.  So we ran!  And I had the thought, "I can't believe I'm running!"  To be able to be as physically active as I am now....I still can't really believe how well I'm doing.

I am aware--believe me--that that could change at any time, but for these moments, every one, I am thankful.

Emotionally, I am well by God's grace alone.  I will never get used to the fact that Aaron is more and more difficult to find on the ultrasound screen--it's painful every time.  And yet, I have gotten to the point where I expect it and can prepare before going in...and be okay. Yesterday, I had a new ultrasound tech, and I had to point out where he was for her.  I consider it a little bit of taking care of my baby...one of the only things that I can do.  I will speak of his life whenever the opportunity arises, as he is important, valuable, and treasured--forever.

Having said all of that, I can also say that the reality that I will, Lord willing, hold Bart soon is becoming increasingly exciting by the day. A friend from church had a baby a couple of weeks ago, and I was able to hold him on Sunday.  Tears came like a gushing river, and there was absolutely nothing to do but hold him tight and let them flow. She was kind and loving and understanding, and my appreciation for her grew even more.  She let me cry, she let me grieve, all the while holding her precious son, knowing that the joy I felt at his safe arrival was in that moment intimately tied into the pain I felt that I would never hold Aaron.  

At the same time, I cried because I was staring at the vulnerable, life that is sustained only and ultimately by our Father, and I was keenly aware that I will only have the privilege of having Bart with me if God allows it.

Oh, Lord, by your grace and for your glory, will you please allow it?

Bart is so beautiful.  Every time I see him on the screen, I fall more and more in love with my boys.  I can't wait to kiss his sweet little lips!

Six weeks.  That's no time at all.

Caringbridge - 30 weeks

Thirty weeks.  Seventy-five percent through the pregnancy.  Months ago, news that brought happy tears, followed weeks later by a very different kind of weeping.

And here we are.

People ask how I am doing.  Really, I am doing quite well in most ways. How could I not be so grateful that my baby is doing so well, considering the dire situation in which we found him and his brother just a short time ago?

But, at the same time, how could I not be sad at the reality that I will never know my other baby this side of Heaven?

God is my refuge and strength, a very present help in times of trouble. It is in Him that I find my life, my breath, my being, and certainly in these times, my strength to keep walking.  People say that I am strong; no, He is strong, and as I stay attached to the vine, His strength is infused in me....and He makes me brave.

"You make me brave, You make me strong.

I'm not afraid; You've been here all along.

In my weakness, You're my strength and my song.

You make me brave."  --Out of the Grey

We are getting close (I hope) to finalizing their names.  It has been a struggle, as is typical for us.  I'm not sure why we have such a hard time naming our children, but we do.  Perhaps we both sense the importance of a name and don't want to back away from our opinions? I am praying that God will give us the right names in time.

Today, I had my first of the twice-weekly appointments that I will have for the rest of the pregnancy.  I started with an ultrasound at the perinatologist's office.  Dr. W has become much more tolerable in his bedside manners as the situation has stabilized...and maybe even almost kind.  It is his way, and as often is the case with people you encounter in a professional situation, we have just sort of had to get used to him.  Today, I thanked him for taking such good care of us...and I meant it.  For all the awkwardness, discomfort, and pain of the beginning appointments, he seems to have a good eye for what is actually happening, and I am thankful for that.  He is still so studious each time around...I have no doubt that he is telling me the most accurate information that he possibly can.

This morning, an amazingly sweet thing occurred during the ultrasound.  First, you must understand that Aaron is very small now, especially in comparison to the size of Bart. Aaron could almost be held in Bart's hands at this point.  So while Dr. W was looking at Aaron, checking out the blood flow, the screen jiggled and suddenly, a hand appeared in the picture.  It was Bart, reaching out to his brother. And while we watched, Dr. W studying intensely the whole time, Bart cupped his little hand up around Aaron's body, almost as if to protect him.  It was precious, and tears come now as I think of it.  He absolutely is aware of his brother, and it is beautiful to me.

It was especially interesting because, as you know, most of the time, babies are in the "fetal position" in utero; their arms and legs are rarely stretched out away from their bodies.  But here was Bart, definitely and intentionally stretching out to be near Aaron.  I will never forget seeing that, and as I've said before, I am so thankful for these glimpses into their world.

For his part, Bart is doing amazingly well...he weighs almost 3.5 pounds now!  All of his body parts are there, and the 3D images we saw today were nothing short of awesome!  He really look so much like Beth...it's crazy to me that we can tell that at this point!  I wonder if he will have red hair, too!?

After the ultrasound, I headed down to my OB's office for a Non-Stress Test (NST).  During an NST, a monitor is put on the belly to record the movement and heart rate of baby.  A twinge of sadness, of course, when I had to inform the nursing assistant that she didn't need two monitors, as she normally would for twins.  There is no second heartbeat to find, I informed her.  She was very kind and hugged me.  I couldn't ask for a more sensitive response, but these are the moments that it hurts again.  Another one came later when I had to speak with the financial counselor, who informed me that she is the mother of twin boys.  "That's awesome!" I exclaimed.  "It's interesting," she countered.  

I wanted to shake her and say, "NO, YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND...IT'S AWESOME, AND YOU NEED TO BE THANKFUL EVERY MOMENT FOR THE INTERESTING!"

When my hour on the NST monitor was over, Dr. M came in to see me and ask if I had any questions.  She is a wonderful doctor--have I said recently how much I love my OBs?!  We talked about when I might deliver....we haven't nailed down a specific date, but it looks like if all continues the way it's been going, we will likely schedule a c-section between 37 (July 24) and 39 weeks (Aug. 7).  I will be pushing for closer to 37.

That's the update from here.  Of course there is more to say, but all that will have to wait for another time.  I have again been more encouraged than I can say by the way the Lord puts us on the hearts of people to pray and reach out in specific ways and at specific times. I definitely haven't responded to most messages I've received or said thank you enough, so again and again.....thank you.

Caringbridge - Update from Nashville

Yes, that's right.  Our family is in Nashville, Tennessee, this long weekend for the 10th-anniversary celebration of Show Hope.  We are so thankful that we were able to come, especially since when we first got the invitation in the mail, it seemed like such a long shot.  I figured I would be on bed rest or something by now, but here I am, traversing the country with my family in our 12-passenger van!

Tonight, Steven Curtis Chapman and his family welcomed donors, grant recipients, and others to the anniversary concert, and it was wonderful! Full of amazing stories and testimonies of God's grace, we were again humbled to get to be a part of the special world of adoption.  Neil has been particularly vocal this weekend about how grateful he is that we adopted him (If he only really knew how thankful we are that God chose him for us!), and we keep thinking of how this reflects our relationship with the Lord--how grateful we are that we've been adopted by the King!

There are many things I should share related to the babies.  So without further ado and in no particular order...

-At last Thursday's doctor appointment, I met one of the new doctors at the practice.  She was very nice...no surprise.  Everyone there is fantastic.  I was concerned about a couple of things, but we talked them through, and in the end, she was able to answer my questions in such a way that my concerns have faded.

-Also at last Thursday's appointment, I failed my glucose screening. I think this happened one other time.  No problem yet, except for the fact that I need to return on Wednesday for the more extensive 3-hour glucose screening.  She told me that 95% of people who fail the 1-hour test end up passing the 3-hour test.  That's what happened with me last time, and I'm hoping for the same result this time around.

-Baby Bart is still very, very low.  75% of his movements make me feel like he is clawing to get out.  This was part of my concern, but Dr. W assured me that some babies just find their favorite spot and hang out there.  I guess that's Bart and Aaron for you!

-Last week (again!), we received some amazing blessings from some folks.  On Wednesday, I hung out with a woman from church for a bit who had asked if she could meet with me because she had "a couple of things" to give me.  We talked for awhile, and I got to hear her story, which was so good.  I hadn't known before that their family had lost a daughter to Trisomy 18.  Heartbreaking, of course, but good to talk to someone else who knew before she was born that their child wouldn't live outside the womb.  It is a strange reality to know that you're carrying a baby who can't survive.  She gave me a book, "I Will Carry You" written by Angie Smith, wife of Selah artist, Todd Smith.  I am not a fast reader, but....I finished it yesterday.  It was sooo good! Angie and Todd also had a daughter who died upon birth.  Months before she was born, this sweet couple was told that their daughter had conditions that were "incompatible with life".  I cannot express how much that book has ministered to me over the last few days.

-Also on Wednesday, we received an amazing gift in the mail that came to us from some brothers and sisters in Christ who lives across the pond.  Jill (Jeff's sister) send us a prayer quilt made my members of her church, and it is beautiful.  It has been prayed over by many, and included was a card with the most dear sentiments--from people we don't even know.  How blessed we are to be walking this road, despite the uneven terrain.

My favorite moment of tonight was when Casting Crowns was on stage performing, "Praise You in this Storm".  As often happens when I hear that song, tears started falling as I chose again with my will to praise the God who gives--and takes away.  I used to hear that song and think of Hunt; now I think of these precious babies I'm carrying today.....

Tom noticed my tears immediately, and with his sweet little hand, he began to wipe the tears from my face.  Then Beth noticed and got in on the action.  "Why are you sad, Mommy?" she asked.

"Well, Beth," I explained, "I'm just thinking about how sad I am that we have to say goodbye to Baby Aaron.  I miss him already. But I'm also thankful because we can trust God with our sadness.  He hears our cries and understands."

And then...out of the mouth of my sweet babe...with her hands cupping my face, she looks at me and says, "Don't be sad, Mommy. We will see him again soon!"

Amen, little one.  You understand words that beguile the smartest of men and the most powerful of kings.

Because we will.  See him again soon, that is.  This life is but a breath.

So for the breath, I grieve.  But for eternity, I rejoice.