I’m a doodler. If you took a look at the margins of my class notes from years past, or church bulletins, or napkins, or my journal—any number of places, really—you would see doodles. I’m no artist, mind you, so my doodles are mostly geometric shapes or attempts at new fonts or maybe just intricate scribbles. Sometimes once the doodle is done, it occurs to me that I didn’t have a plan when starting the doodle—it just kind of ended up taking shape over time—and sometimes it turns out to be pretty interesting (as far as doodles go).
The picture of the doodle is a microcosm of my creative structuring…I rarely have much more than a vague plan, but over time, the creative thing takes shape—paint in a room, a decorated cake, a blog post. It’s how I’m wired. Uniquely and creatively formed…just like my Father planned.
He, on the other hand, had a design. And a purpose. And since His plans cannot be thwarted, I can know that His plans for me will be completed.
Our babies have a purpose. They were designed by our Creator with meaning, and the plans He has for them will be completed.
We are working on baby names. Being the name nerd that I am, it is particularly important to me that these babies have names which express the heart of the Father toward them. I look down at my pregnant belly, and it still is astounding to me that God made two babies out of one egg and put them in my womb! I saw a set of identical twin girls today…I suppose it will be even more strange as time goes on, but as I suspected would happen, I did a double-take. I want so badly to see Aaron and Bart walking together, holding hands, reflecting each other as in a mirror.
But it is not to be. God could do a miracle—of course He could—but the likelihood is that His plan for little Aaron is being completed now. Love grown even in imperfection. Beauty born out of loss. Purpose where the world says none exists.
God, do your thing. Use our child and our little family in the way you see fit. Will you grow us, change us, make us more like you? Cause us to ooze compassion as we see others travel through the valley of the shadow of death. Make us more aware of the grief that accompanies this broken place, if only to join you, Jesus, even a small bit in your suffering.
And then, give us hope. Hope that you are sovereign. That you are good. That you have plans we cannot see. That you have not forgotten us or left us or forsaken us in any way.
And where we doubt, give us faith to believe what You say is true. Where we lack, give us what we need. And where we grieve, fill our hearts with your peace.
You are good…you are good…and your love, endureth forever. Amen.
4 comments:
A few weeks ago when I was praying for you, the thing that came to mind was that you would have "the fellowship of sharing in His sufferings." I didn't tell you at the time, because I thought it might be discouraging, but maybe now it will be an encouragement. I know God desires you to walk closely and intimately with Him and that He will use this, even this, to accomplish that goal. As a new friend of mine likes to say, "He allows what He hates to accomplish what He loves." So I pray your times with Him--and with your husband and family--through this would be sweeter than you ever imagined they could be.
Wow, Rachel...thank you.
baby girls..how wonderful. that, we will celebrate!
No dice, Mel....they are boys!!!!! (And we celebrate that, too.) More Hoffboys! I told Jeff that that just means we have to go back to India and adopt a little girl now. ;)
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