I'm not sure quite why this update has been so hard to write. I think it's because it feels like once I say it out loud, it becomes more real.
Friday's appointment was hard...again. They're all hard this go-around. Maybe it won't always be that way, but for now, it is. Each time we go, we sort of hold our breath. A mom who's gone before us in this exact diagnosis described the appointments that way, and it's pretty accurate. You wait, you watch, you wait, you listen...and then you breathe. Breathe and try to take in all of what you just heard.
The blood supply to Aaron is decreasing, and it just may be that our beloved child is already with Jesus. Either that or he's on his way soon. His growth had slowed by quite a bit, and it was obvious to us that his movements had changed drastically.
Two weeks ago, we saw a beautiful glimpse into a lovely little world. At least, to our twins, it was lovely. Life and death juxtaposed, but to them, bliss. The way it was. Normal. Kicking at each other, playing together, living life side by side.
This time, Bart moved and jabbed and flipped and lived. He looks great, and I am starting to get excited about finding out whether or not these babies are actually boys or girls!
But Aaron was quiet. He didn't move very much this time, and it was obvious that there wasn't much blood flow going to him anymore.
The way this works, things seem to change each time, so who knows? We could go back in two weeks and be right back where we were before. But at this point, today, it looks like our trip to Cincinnati is on hold and could be canceled altogether. If Aaron's growth continues to be slowed, we will likely be able to proceed with the pregnancy as "normal", watching closely, of course, and getting prepared for what could likely be pre-term labor.
We have prayed that God would give our baby a new heart. Perhaps this is how He is answering. When Aaron is Home with his Maker, he will be whole, complete, and new. Maybe that's now.
So we praise God for the saddest thing imaginable--losing our child. That alone is another whole post which I will save for another time. For now, please continue to pray as God leads...thank you.
Friday's appointment was hard...again. They're all hard this go-around. Maybe it won't always be that way, but for now, it is. Each time we go, we sort of hold our breath. A mom who's gone before us in this exact diagnosis described the appointments that way, and it's pretty accurate. You wait, you watch, you wait, you listen...and then you breathe. Breathe and try to take in all of what you just heard.
The blood supply to Aaron is decreasing, and it just may be that our beloved child is already with Jesus. Either that or he's on his way soon. His growth had slowed by quite a bit, and it was obvious to us that his movements had changed drastically.
Two weeks ago, we saw a beautiful glimpse into a lovely little world. At least, to our twins, it was lovely. Life and death juxtaposed, but to them, bliss. The way it was. Normal. Kicking at each other, playing together, living life side by side.
This time, Bart moved and jabbed and flipped and lived. He looks great, and I am starting to get excited about finding out whether or not these babies are actually boys or girls!
But Aaron was quiet. He didn't move very much this time, and it was obvious that there wasn't much blood flow going to him anymore.
The way this works, things seem to change each time, so who knows? We could go back in two weeks and be right back where we were before. But at this point, today, it looks like our trip to Cincinnati is on hold and could be canceled altogether. If Aaron's growth continues to be slowed, we will likely be able to proceed with the pregnancy as "normal", watching closely, of course, and getting prepared for what could likely be pre-term labor.
We have prayed that God would give our baby a new heart. Perhaps this is how He is answering. When Aaron is Home with his Maker, he will be whole, complete, and new. Maybe that's now.
So we praise God for the saddest thing imaginable--losing our child. That alone is another whole post which I will save for another time. For now, please continue to pray as God leads...thank you.
No comments:
Post a Comment