A New York Minute, Part 1

It's 11 p.m. here on the east coast, and after weeks of no blogging, my mind is bursting with ideas, thoughts, memories to get down on paper.  It's quiet...Hoffbeast is sleeping, and unlike last night, the noises from the street below are almost non-existant.  It's the perfect moment to write again.

We are in NYC.  For Hoffbeast, it's only his 2nd time here.  For me, I was here last month.  It's my 7th trip, and I'm beginning to really like it here.  Mind you, four of those trips were drive ins where I was here for less than 12 hours.  Even so, I feel like I'm beginning to know my way around, and the city is becoming quite familiar.  It's an amazing place, really.

We are staying at a hotel in Queens, here for Christmas in New York, an annual donor event for HLIC.  This is our first year coming, and we are here with one other couple and about 60 of our closest new friends.  We experienced so very much in this one short day, from hearing Tim Keller speak to ministry site visits to the 9/11 Memorial to seeing the Rockettes Christmas Extravaganza.  I feel like such a privileged person....why do I get to have this life??!  God is gracious!

Our kids are being lovingly cared for by our dear friend, teammate, and loyal blog reader, Bridget.  THANK YOU, B!!!!!!  We miss them but know that they are being well cared for....we are grateful beyond words.

What was supposed to be a stream from my conscience has turned into an update on our whereabouts.  I think I'm continue the theme and leave you with some photographs from our day...

Tim Keller speaking to us with the beautiful Manhattan skyline behind him.  His devotional was, as expected, challenging, motivating, and Gospel-centered.

Our first foray into Manhattan...crossing over the East River on the Queensboro Bridge.  The new One World Trade (Freedom Tower) is seen in the distance next to the large building on the left.

Lunch was served at the HLIC-New York office.  Here, Glen introduces Pastor Andrew, one of our ministry partners in NYC.  The beautiful mural behind them was painted by Megan, one of our former Milwaukee SITC students.

A typical subway photograph, except...what do you think Hoffbeast is thinking?

The memorial waterfall pool on the footprint of the former north tower at the World Trade Center.

The north tower memorial with the lower portion of the new 1WTC behind it.

Radio City Music Hall, home of the famous Rockettes and the Christmas Extravaganza


Hoffbeast and me at Rockefeller Plaza.  The very beautiful Christmas tree had just been officially lit a few days before, and the crowd of people coming to see it was huge!  I wonder if it will be that busy all month long?!

Times Square on a Friday night

A statue of George M. Cohan, of Yankee Doodle Dandy fame, stands tall among the delightful chaos of Times Square.

The subway entry at Times Square...this station has to be one of the biggest in the city.  The underground network is fascinating and makes getting around NYC very easy!

Neil Says, First Grade Edition

"I would like to be a tiger because is it fierce.  I would hunt for other animals.  I would run in the grass and eat some meat."

"Neil

Fast, awesome, strong, smart

Brother of Beth, Rex, and Tom

Lover of sports, fish, and pets

Who feels happy when I am good, excited when I am bowling, and sad when people are hurt

Who would like to see Florida, the zoo, and my grandma

Resident of Wisconsin

 Hoffbeast"

The things you learn when your kid writes poetry!  I had no idea that he loved fish or got as excited as he does about bowling!

By the Numbers

The Bigs had their annual doctor visit yesterday, and the results are in!

Weight
Rex:  53.6 lbs.
Neil:  63.4 lbs.
Beth:  29.6 lbs.
Tom:  35.4 lbs.
Mama:  That's a secret!

Yes, let's note the very obvious...our adopted kids are tall heavyweights, while our bio kids are short lightweights. Neil pointed this out yesterday...of course we've known this for awhile, but it was funny to have him point it out.

Neil also gained a quarter inch on Rex. He finally passed his big brother up. Sure did.

The other obvious is that Beth still doesn't weigh 30 pounds. She's 4 1/2 years old.

Good news is that Rex is still actively growing on his growth curve, so all is well. And he'll probably hit a growth spurt here in...a few years.

I love that God has made them differently, just the size and shape He wants them!

Here Again

I've been here before.

Writer's block.

It certainly is not for lack of material.  I could spend all day recording the antics of my beautiful and hilarious children and still not be able to get each precious memory committed to screen.

Time definitely plays a part.  Tonight I'm giving myself permission to stay up late and blog, but this year, since school has started, that's not been much of an option for my new, disciplined-to-go-to-bed-earlier-and-get-up-earlier self.

Tonight, I'm here in Valley Forge.  I've been here before, too.  It is beautiful here, both the physical surroundings and the people with whom I'm sitting in hours-long meetings.  It's hard to believe that for months on end, this was not such a happy place nearly 250 years ago.

It wasn't then.  But it certainly is now.

Today as I sat on the porch and looked out at the fall colors painted on the scenery, there was quiet.  Space.  I read my Bible.  I read my new book.  And as I opened my journal to write, the familiar feeling came back, and I realized that it's one of the reasons that I haven't blogged in so long.

I miss her.

It's hard for me to sit in meditative silence without thinking of her.  I wonder how she is filling her days.  I wonder if they are laughing.  I wonder if we will ever reconcile. 

But for now, I wait.

And wait.

At first, I grieved.  A lot.  But in the back of my mind, I thought that probably it would get fixed somehow.  But the days turned into weeks, and the weeks have now turned into months.  I miss her.

After Hunt went to be with Jesus, I measured time by how long it had been.  "This is the first October without him.  If he were here, we'd be introducing him to leaf piles and crisp, autumn air."

She lives close, but I feel similar measurements sitting stale and sad and somber in my heart.  And I can't spend very many quiet moments without them creeping in.  "Last year at this time, we hung out and picked apples with our kids.  This year, I thought we would be making Halloween costumes together."

She didn't die.  But the separation feels somewhat like a death.

There is hope.  He's the same hope Who makes me smile when I think about Hunt.  He can restore and renew, breathing life into the dark and wounded places.  He is my hope.

But in the day to day, my heart feels sick.  What if this never gets resolved?  Memories of our friendship are all around me all the time.  And I like it that way!  But the pain stabs again and again at the memories.

Does she miss us?  Does she long for reconciliation, too?  Or has she moved on, never to look back?  I wish I knew.  I think I know, but I can't be sure.  The movement that I see (no movement at all) does not display what would be my assumption.

When I think of her, sometimes I worry.  Sometimes my mind wanders and I find myself ten minutes later just imagining their possible adventures. 

What I should be doing is praying.  God is the Healer, the Restorer of Streets with Dwellings.  He is the one who can fix the broken places, who can mend the broken hearts, who can bring hope where all hope has seemed lost.

She doesn't want Him.  And that's okay.  He is a gentleman and will not insist.  Neither will I.  But tonight I pray for a trade--that one day beauty will again reside in the place where ashes do today.

I can't do it.  It's not in me.  I have tried and failed and tried again.  And failed again.

But He can.  So by His grace, I wait some more.  And pray and trust and fail and pray and wait and trust some more.  And then I wake up tomorrow and do it again.

Soli deo gloria.  Yes, even this.

First Day!

SCHOOL is back in session, and this time, a signifant difference is felt in the Hofffamily.....

...little Beth joins big brothers, Rex and Neil, three days a week!

We are so thankful, yet again, for our kids' teachers and are looking forward to what they will learn and how they will grow this year.

Beth was super excited and didn't even cry (I didn't either, surprisingly!).  While she was standing on her tippy toes, hanging up her backpack for the first time, another mom walked past and said, "Oooh, she's so tiny!"  Yep.  Tiny but mighty, folks.  She is brave and strong and still our little princess.

Beth immediately went in and started working on a puzzle next to her new friend, K.  Mrs. H and Mrs. M are fabulous, experienced teachers, and I'm sure that Beth will do great in their class!  In fact, she's already had good reports!

Rex's teacher didn't waste any time and had the kids sitting and getting organized right away!  When I ducked in to say goodbye, she shooed me out....nicely, of course.  It was time for the mama to leave the building and let the middle schooler be.  (Yes, I said middle schooler.)

This is the best picture I could get of Rex--through the closed door!  Yep, I stood outside the door taking pictures--sure did!

How did my baby get so big??!  He's a first-grader now....WHAT??!

Neil has already gotten wonderful compliments, too...he is a kind, helpful, eager student (for the most part), and his teacher has noticed already!  We are so hoping that his enthusiasm for school continues...

I will be volunteering in the lunchroom once every other week, and I started on the first day of school.  Tom. was. so. excited to be able to see his siblings.  On our way into school, Tom turned to me and said, "I love my brothers, and I love my Beth."

So far, so good...we're off and running!  (I really can hardly believe Beth is in school, but there she is, eating her pb&j like a big girl!)

Episode 39 (XXXIX)

Episode XXXIX just got a new ending...there was an important detail that I wanted to record, a precious moment that I thought happened later in the week but in fact that happened on the day we said goodbye to Basundhara.  In case anyone wants to go back and read the new ending, I just thought you should know that there was one.  :)

Our Cramazing May, Episode XLIII: Post Office and the Ginger

I must admit that at this point, I was a bit foggy on what we were doing next.  That's because, of course....Really Important Man had just said YES!  I didn't really care where we were going next!  But very quickly, I began to understand what was happening.

Rim had said yes; it was cramazing news.  But the catch was that he was mailing the passports in the regular mail.  They were due to arrive at Basundhara (the orphanage) sometime the next afternoon.  Overall, that was great, but the operative words were "due to" and "sometime".  We had to do everything we could to be proactive and make sure that the postal system was working well.  After all, our plane was set to leave at 7 p.m. the next evening, and Basundhara was an hour away from the airport...the timing was proving to be very tight!

So off we went in the taxi to our next stop:  the central post office for all of Bhubaneswar.  We walked in, looking for the one specific person--the postmaster general--who could possibly help us.  The guards, looking warily at the foreigners walking into the local government building, pointed us to the 2nd floor (What would we have done were it not for Tuna?!) . No dice.  Back to the lobby and to a directory of some sort.  Fourth floor is what we wanted.  Near-empty building.  Hollow sounds.  Marble steps.  Cobwebs in the corners.  Finally, the 4th floor and a look around.  I remember thinking how in America, you would never find a 5-story building with no elevators.

Eventually, we found a door with the correct title displayed and a name under it.  And this is where it gets cramazing...Tuna says, "There is an elder at my church with that name."  Unfortunately, we had arrived during the lunch hour, which explained the near-complete desertion of the place.  So, of course, we decided we would wait in the hallway...which we didn't have to do for long because before we knew it, here comes....Tuna's elder from church, the postmaster general!

In an instant, we went from praying and wondering and hoping......to praising and rejoicing and delighting.  Not because the passports were in our hands, by any means, but because of God's obvious and great ability to orchestrate events.

Scott and I were given a great welcome, and our new friend was so pleased to hear that fellow Christians were adopting children from his country.  He and Tuna spoke a good bit of back-and-forth banter in Oriya, but when it came to details of the passport, they spoke in English.  "I can do nothing until Rim puts the passports in the mail.  But once they are in the mail, I will do everything in my power to get them to you quickly!"

An arrangement was make for Tuna to call in the morning to check and make sure that the passports were in the mail.  If so, they would be delivered to the Cuttack mail station in the morning, and we could then drive there and meet the mail courier to retrieve them.

It was a tenuous scenario, but we were in the best situation possible, all things considered.  We had done all we could do and could do nothing more but wait 'til morning and see if Really Important Man did what he said he would do.

And pray.  For after all, God was in control.

We thanked our new friend and headed back to the Ginger, and when we arrived, we found Hoffbeast with L, Rex, and Tom....and all of our luggage.  Karen had needed to rest, so Hoffbeast was a champ (as usual) and was babysitting the luggage and entertaining the kids.  Keep in mind, of course, that we had been hoping that we could leave that day, but it was not to be.  So we again got rooms for the night and began lugging our things upstairs.  We were thankful that this building had an elevator.  :)

We we soooo hungry, so we grabbed some lunch and then spent the rest of the afternoon hanging out with our friends, taking a nap, and praising our God for what He was doing in our hearts and lives.

L and her mama

The Daddy and his boys