How I am...

There are way too many thoughts going through my head, too many emotions running through my heart, to even begin to write.  Problem is, this keeps happening...day after day after day.

I'm tired.  I'm happy.  I'm overwhelmed.  I'm in love.  I'm sad.  I'm full-hearted.  I'm angry.

That's my reality these days...

So thankful for Jesus, my ROCK, who never changes.  It is His Truth to which I cling, His words which bring life and healing and hope and assurance.  Steady me, Lord...

Doting big sister/Darling little brother

She loves him...we all do!  But she is one doting little mama, that's for sure!

Glory Babies

Nine years ago today was the funeral for our dear little Hunt. Today, we visited his grave and together with our family, memorialized both him and his little brother, Aaron, who is now rejoicing in Heaven with him. August 8 will always be a special day for our family, remembering our two precious boys who are with Jesus...

Someday I will write about our little family memorial service.  Not now, but someday.  It was beautiful and special, and I am filled with gratitude to the Lord for His mercy and His good gifts.

Grumpy Old (Little) Man

This is one of my favorite Bart faces...he often has a furrowed brow and a quizzical gaze. And yes, his premie onesie says "I run with the big guys!"

I posted this on facebook, and there were some hilarious comments!  Two of my favorites:

"Kinda looks like Daddy when the Packers lose." -Eric Miller

"You've birthed a grumpy old man.  Nice." -Kirk Irwin

Grandma and Pa were here for the last few days, and it was great! So thankful that they were able to meet Bart when he was still so young!  Thanks for all you did to help while you were here, Mama...I miss you both already!

Caringbridge - Physically speaking...

Neil holding and feeding his baby brother for the first time!  Note their coordinating outfits (just kidding!).

I suppose at some point, I will want to sit down and write out the experience of last Wednesday morning, one of the most important and special days of my life.  For now, I know that many of you are wanting to know how we are doing, so I'm going to attempt to catch you up on that and give some specific prayer requests related.

Physically speaking, I am doing extremely well.  I have always healed quickly from my surgeries, so I was hoping that this time would be the same, but I certainly didn't want to assume, especially considering the surprises of this pregnancy.  But, true to form (Praise God!), I am healing very well and very quickly, as far as I'm concerned.  I have taken less pain medicine than ever before which is a pretty good indicator of where I am.

There are, however, a few odd physical problems that remain...

My headaches...they have persisted here and there, and that is frustrating. When I forget to take my blood thinner (which has happened several times, oddly enough), my headache shows up.  Now, maybe that's all in my head (no pun intended), but it just seems strange that that is the time I get my headaches, and almost always in the same place, around my left temple.

My cough...I have a persistent and terribly annoying cough.  Now, prior to Wednesday morning, I had absolutely no cough or signs of a cold at all.  But beginning sometime after the delivery, my voice went all strange on me.  Sometimes when ordering hospital food on the phone, the cafeteria staff couldn't understand me.  I figured it was nothing, but it continued.  Eventually my voice got better, but I still have this cough.  Coughing + c-section incision = not fun.

My vision....for those of you who know the story of our Hunt, you will remember that I had vision problems in my left eye, likely as a result of a blood clot which led to a stroke which led to high blood pressure.  After Bart was delivered, I noticed that my vision wasn't quite right, which of course, concerned me.  While I was in the hospital, I couldn't exactly pinpoint the problem, only that something wasn't quite right.  After getting home, I noticed that my right eye vision was steady but that my left eye seems to be having trouble focusing?  I'm still not sure exactly, but something isn't quite right.  It does seem to be getting a little better by the day, but it's an odd, unsettling problem to have.

My incision...the pain at the incision site is minimal, and for this I am so thankful.  If I push myself during the day and don't rest, I am definitely hurting by evening, but on Day 8 after surgery, I really couldn't hope to feel any better than I do.  I am up and down stairs with relative ease, and I can bend over with hardly any pain (way less pain than when I had the babies in there!).  So great!

Please pray...
-that my incision would continue to heal well.
-that my vision would get more and more clear as the days go by.
-that my headaches would subside (and that I wouldn't forget to take my blood thinner!).
-that my cough would GO AWAY!

And now, for the precious little baby lying here next to me.....

Bart oftens puts his hands up to his face, like he's contemplating some of life's great mysteries.  And he almost always has a furrowed brow.

Bart is doing great!  Oh my--I wish you could all meet him in person...he's amazing.  God has once again blown me away with this awesome creature!  He has captured my heart, and I'm in love!

Here's how you can be praying for Bo...

Bart is tiny.  He was born at 5 pounds, 10 ounces; dropped to 5 pounds; and increased his weight to 5 pounds, 3.5 ounces before leaving the hospital.  On Monday at the doctor, he was down to 5 pounds, 3 ounces, but yesterday, he was up to 5 pounds, 5 ounces. Our pediatrician was happy with that, saying that he needs to be gaining an ounce a day.

It was explained to us at the hospital that some "borderline babies" (babies born right on the 36/37 week full-term border) will act older than they are, some younger.  Bart seems to be acting younger and, agreed our pediatrician yesterday, even looks younger than he is. One way that this shows itself is through his eating habits...he's just not strong enough yet to be suckling appropriately.  Because of this, I am pumping, and we are supplementing with formula when needed--all on top of the normal breastfeeding schedule.

Please pray that Bart would grow!  Right now the only clothes he can wear are size Premie--those are made for up to 5 pounds.  Newborn clothes are for 5 to 8 pounds, and 0-3 month clothes are for 8 to 11 pounds.  I should post a picture so you can see the difference in clothing size....he would be absolutely swimming in a 0-3 month onesie right now!

Also, pray for us as we undertake the demanding breastfeed/supplement/pump schedule.  He is doing really well overall, but obviously we need his growth to be moving in the right direction.

Physically speaking, we really are doing well.  How thankful are we for this??!  So thankful!

Thank you for praying with us for these specific things...God hears our prayers, and He will answer!

Beth colored these pictures for Bart, with a little help, so I hear.  They were on the wall waiting for him when we got home from the hospital.  She "scribble scrabbled" the one on the right because she "thought that Bart would like it more since he's a baby".  That was so thoughtful!

Caringbridge - 38 Weeks....BABY DAY + 1 week

Born July 24, 2013 at 9:47 a.m.:

Boaz David Washington Hoffman, weighing 5 pounds, 10 ounces, and measuring 18 inches long.  He is tiny but just about perfect.  :)

And to the arms of Heaven was born:

Jonathan Omer Lincoln Hoffman

For the last few minutes, I have sat in silence, amazed at the reality while at the same time saddened by the reality.  Boaz is amazing....and I am totally, completely, head-over-heels in love.  Again.  Jonathan was an identical twin, so as I stare at my Bo, I know what my Jonathan would have looked like.  Such a blessing.  And I know that Heaven waits.....I will miss him, but only for a little while.

For now, the Lord has seen fit to give to our arms the gift of Boaz, and I am treasuring every minute.

Hospital for 4.5 days, now home for 3....we are beginning to get our bearings.  Please keep praying, and I will try to do a better job of posting.  There is much to tell...God.is.so.good.

In His Grace and for all the Hofffamily,
Hoffbeauty